I'm an F-18

Most of the time—and this includes naps—I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air, and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

(credit: ABC)

I Got Magic

I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips.

(credit: ABC)

I don't have time

I don't have time for these clowns. I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity. They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then look at me and they say 'I can't process it'. Well no, and you never will. Stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show.

(credit: The Alex Jones Show)

"The Goddesses"

"The Goddesses"? I don't believe the term is good enough, but when you're bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best choice available.

Partying

"I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party man, it's epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children."

(credit: ABC)

On Lenny Dykstra

He might be Nails, but I'm frickin' bayonets.

(credit: The Alex Jones Show)

Soft Targets

I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.

(credit: The Alex Jones Show)